Day 28...Amazing!

I have been sticking to the new format of reading from Proverbs every day.  I has been a very convicting but fruitful experience.  The Lord has put several things on my heart lately.  I feel the most important is a new search for true Wisdom.  I am experiencing a reformation that is beautiful but also a little uncomfortable.  Spiritual growth always is.  I am not wanting to leave my faith but evangelize within it through my Domestic Church.  It is a desire for Orthodoxy and simplification in my life.  That is the uncomfortable part; Catholics can be a lethargic lot.  I am already experiencing friction.  I think that when you have been given a gift it is hard to see its value.  We live in a society that moral relativism is rampant.  I am picking the "board out of my own eye" when I tell you I have succumbed on many, many occasions.  I am at a crossroads in my life and it is about to change in a way that is beyond words.  I am bringing my children home in order to prepare them for Heaven.  The task seems enormous but I know that it is God's will.  I am prepared for spiritual warfare because I know that anytime you prepared to put Him first the enemy is there to try and spoil your plans.  I call it the five D's: doubt, discouragement, diversion, defeat, and delay.  Right on cue the doorbell just rang.  It is my new curriculum.  God's timing is perfect!  

Proverbs 28:8 He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is safe.

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Prayer: Lord help me to not conform to this world.  Help me to look to you for what is right and keep Your Commandments.  Give me Wisdom to raise my children and prepare them for eternity with You.  Amen.

Family Picture

Okay, my husband wrote me in order to gently call my attention to my picture.  I have started getting up at 5am in order to pack everything into my day that I need to.  Obviously, this wasn't the right one!  It cracked me up so bad that I am posting it here.  Ah, motherhood!

Day 27-What I'm contemplating

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,

So are the children of one's youth.

How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;

They will not be ashamed

When they speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3, 4, 5 

NASB

I spoke to an old friend the other day.  I sponsored her through RCIA and it has been years since we have talked.  She is doing amazing but things have changed a little.  She has six beautiful daughters and is part of the fundamentalist "quiver full movement."  I think that this is probably the only protestant church that I agree with most of what they are saying.  It is the same faith as the Duggars.  When the liberal press describes this religion it says "they are more Catholic than Catholics."  They are completely open to life, Biblically based, and many opt to Homeschool their children.  They have very similar convictions to a small number of Orthodox Catholics left in our Church (92% of Catholic women are on the pill or have preformed some type of permanent sterilization).  I have looked up several of their sights and I am planning on using some of their tools for homeschooling.  One of the things that I loved was called "Wisdom Searching" scripture meditation.  I downloaded the e-book and I am using it as a guide.  I also loved Managers of Their Homes.  I already started my own version (see the sidebar).  Wish me luck.  I started today and I got up at 5:00 am.  The messages from Medjugorje speak of Wisdom from the Bible.  Our Lady of Peace says that we should be reading the Bible every day.  This is my next habit I will be working on.  I want to start a daily scripture meditation and Bible Study.  I am working on character values for the children.  They are doing so well, especially Alex.  I can feel God leading us to the "Narrow Path."  It is a difficult but Grace filled journey. 

40 day devotional-Day 24-What happend?

So sorry!  I have dropped the ball!  I hope you have been continuing with your own prayers and scripture study.  I have developed some (hopefully) lifelong habits over the past several weeks.  I hope it has helped you as much as it has helped me.  I appreciate all of your prayers.  We have been crazy busy.  Kids are finishing school and I am prepping for summer.  I am on a whirlwind cleaning spree here in my home.  Last night I darted off to the ER with Landon.  He busted his chin on the tub for the second time!  We did manage to get in a great afternoon with the kids.  We bought Willow a little pool to pass the summer with.  It was freezing cold but she stayed in for three hours!  Her brothers and sisters all ditched on her:-(  The summer is our scariest time of the year.  Willow stands at the door with her swimsuit and life vest on saying: "go see summer swimmy." If we let her, she would wander the neighborhood looking for pools.  We have to watch her like a hawk to make sure she doesn't run off.  Please, please pray that she stays close and she will quit running. 

Prayer:  Lord, please keep everyone safe this summer.  Send your Guardian Angels to watch all of your precious little ones.  Help us to make the most of our time with our children and utilize our resources well.  Amen 

Day 19-Giving Thanks.

This week I have so much to be thankful for.  My family is settling into what is our kind of normal.  All of the kids had an AMAZING week.  Tiana won third out of the entire fourth grade for her art.  Alex is having more "superstar" days than bad days and Lannie is just, well, adorable.  Did I mention spoiled?  Willow is doing so much better:-)  I am actively planning our summer activities and I am really excited.  We were able to get in a little extra therapy and I can tell it is already paying off.  I am blessed to have such incredible people working with her.  I am also thankful for the many prayers being offered up for my family.  I can feel them.  Many, many, thanks for all of you who are praying.  I love you.  You don't know how much.

40 day devotional-Day 18

Okay, I found this new blog and it ROCKS!  She did 30 days of prayers for Autism awareness month in April.  Short, sweet, to the point.  I am changing my format to not be so "wordy."  Laughs!  Through her blog I also found TONS of other bloggers with special needs kids.  Truly inspirational and amazing people.  The thing that inspired me the most is there are literally thousands of people out there walking this same road with me.  I am not alone even when I am stuck at home when I am too tired or afraid to venture out.    They get what I am saying.  The Internet is full of junk but it can be such a blessing  if you know where to look.  Recently, I wrote about how Willow's destructiveness guards me against materialism. 

"Liberality-Okay, if you are not a follower of my blog, you will get the condensed version. We are broke. Literally gave up everything so that my daughter would have even the slimmest chance at a good quality of life. I really could care less what we have or if it gets broken. I am not the least bit attached to anything but my DH and kids. Most people say they aren't materialistic but you should see the way they chase my daughter around so she won't break anything."

I got a well intentioned (anonymous) comment by someone who obviously does not live with Autism, or me, about why some people chase my daughter around.  I deleted it.  They don't get it, at all.  This person does.  This article touched me so deeply.  I can't begin to tell you.  She talks about things being "broken" and how God sees them whole, perfect.  The Great Healer.  I pray that today, that we find a cure for Autism.  I pray that someday my daughter can look at me and talk.  That she can can get married, have children, become a nun...or whatever she wants.  More than anything I pray that if God chooses not to heal her that he give me the wisdom to care for her and teach her.  I also pray that God surrounds her with loving people that are kind...and tolerant (Matthew 25:31-46). 

    

40 Day Devotional-Day 17-Trials

Sirach Chapter 2:1-18
My son, when you come to serve the LORD, prepare yourself for trials.
Be sincere of heart and steadfast, undisturbed in time of adversity.

Cling to him, forsake him not; thus will your future be great.
Accept whatever befalls you, in crushing misfortune be patient;
For in fire gold is tested, and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation.
Trust God and he will help you; make straight your ways and hope in him.
You who fear the LORD, wait for his mercy, turn not away lest you fall.
You who fear the LORD, trust him, and your reward will not be lost.
You who fear the LORD, hope for good things, for lasting joy and mercy.
Study the generations long past and understand; has anyone hoped in the LORD and been disappointed? Has anyone persevered in his fear and been forsaken? has anyone called upon him and been rebuffed?
Compassionate and merciful is the LORD; he forgives sins, he saves in time of trouble.
Woe to craven hearts and drooping hands, to the sinner who treads a double path!
Woe to the faint of heart who trust not, who therefore will have no shelter!
Woe to you who have lost hope! what will you do at the visitation of the LORD?
Those who fear the LORD disobey not his words; those who love him keep his ways.
Those who fear the LORD seek to please him, those who love him are filled with his law.
Those who fear the LORD prepare their hearts and humble themselves before him.
Let us fall into the hands of the LORD and not into the hands of men, For equal to his majesty is the mercy that he shows.

“Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.” James 1:2-4

I really had no idea how strong I could be until I had children. It has shaped me in the most beautiful, unbelievable way. I have spent countless hours on my knees and have seen God working in my life and my constant companion. We have experienced trials in some form or another during most of our 15 year relationship. That does not mean my life is without joy. Far from it. We are happier than most of the people we know because we do not take anything for granted anymore. That includes each other. Autism and all of its challanges has changed my life in such a positve way. This sounds ironic but I feel sorry for people that only have typical children. Adversity changes lives. The part that is more ironic is that they feel sorry for me. A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about the funny things people say about parenting a child with Autism. She has two sons and they are both on the spectrum. Our kids go to school together and we have become close. One of the things that she finds the most laughable, is the notion that she has some inherent quality that made her more equipped to handle two kids on the spectrum. We hear this ALL THE TIME: "I don't know how you do it. I would just go crazy" or "God only chooses special people to raise special needs kids." That is also known as a "back handed compliment." Think about the true meaning of those statements. It is a charming notion but anybody that knows me know I am far from a super parent. What we both agreed on, was that it was really about rising to meet the challenge because we love our kids. I am also very, very stubborn. I just flat out refuse to quit or give up. I really don't want people to look at me as the parenting worst-case-scenario. It could be worse...we could be the Schiffli's. God has no testimony in me if I fail. I love the Lord and want to glorify Him so I work very, very hard to raise Godly children and have a good marriage. So I guess if stubbornness is a good quality for parenting a child with Autism, God picked the right family. I am also very aware that most people do look at raising any special needs child as burdensome, not the true blessing that it is. That said, I have learned not to take what others have to say too seriously. Comments are usually well-intentioned and said in the hopes of being beneficial.

Todays Prayer: Lord, help me to be a testimony to you through my life and the lives of my children. Help me to be a good wife and mother so I can honor You in my vocation. Amen.

40 Day Devotional-Day 16

We went out last week with some friends and we got on the topic of marriage. They commented how lucky I was that I married the right person. Chris was sitting right next to me and blurted out: "It's not luck, it's hard work!" He is so incredibly right! We have worked very, very hard to make our marriage the way it is. We are in our 15th year and I am just starting to feel really comfortable. I definitely think our "secret weapon" is the fact we both feel so strongly about our faith. It sustains us. We are getting to an age that we are witnessing, more frequently, marriages falling apart. I have been praying for the words to help advise my friends and family when they are having problems. I found a few quotes that reflect my thinking and values. I'd like to share them.

Marriage is not about marrying the right person but being the right person.

People think they have to find their soulmate to have a good marriage. You're not going to "find" your soulmate. Anyone you meet already has soulmates. Their mother. Their father. Their lifelong friends. You get married, and after 20 years of loving,bearing and raising children, meeting challenges - then you'll have "created" your soulmate.-- Diane Sollee

I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.-- Zig Ziglar

People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on "being in love" for ever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are entitled to a change -not realizing that, when they have changed, the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last... but if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest. - CS Lewis

Colossians 3:12-19
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Today's Prayer: Lord, thank you for the blessing of my spouse. Help me to be as loving and forgiving to them, as you have been to me.

40 Day Devotional-Day 15-Love

It has been a difficult week but I have learned so, so much. So I am contemplating this...

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:1-1

and this...

Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Today's Prayer: Lord, may I so live the life of love this day that all those with whom I have anything to do with may be as sure of love in the world as they are of the sunlight. Anonymous.

40 Day Devotional-Day 14-Courage

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."Proverbs 3:5-6

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."Proverbs 16:3

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."Hebrew 11:1

The simple message today is be unique. Be yourself. God created you to do something amazing. You are the only one that can do it. The only way that you can accomplish it is to remain steadfast in your faith and keep your eyes on Him. It is so easy in this day in age to get DISTRACTED. Don't look at other people and what they are doing with their life! That is not your path. Don't listen to negative talk or criticism. I can't tell you how many times I have heard "You are doing what?" I have learned not to take it personal and go on. You don't have to explain yourself to everyone. Chris and I are in the unique position of being the parents of a child with Autism. We learned very quickly that sometimes the professionals don't have all of the answers. It has definately helped us to 'think outside the box.' We have learned to rely on God and trust our instincts. It has served us very well. There is a 90% divorce rate for parents of special needs kids. We are still together and very in love after 15 years. We have four amazing children and a network of friends and family that we are very, very blessed to have. God always provides for our needs and we just don't worry anymore. We know we are doing what God intended us to do. We are supposed to be making Saints.

Today's Prayer: Lord, help me to remain steadfast in my faith. Help me to resist the temptation to look at others as my yardstick. Help me only to look at you. Help me not to covet or envy. Also, help me to 'train up my child' so I can watch my children grow in their faith. Protect my children from harm. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

40 day devotional-day 13

Wise Advice from Mother Teresa
( because it was never between you and them )
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind,people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;Be kind anyway.
If you are successful,you will win some false friends and some true enemies;Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank,people may cheat you;Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building,someone could destroy overnight.Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness,they may be jealous;Be happy anyway.
The good you do today,people will often forget tomorrow;Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,and it may never be enough;Give the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysisit is between you and God;it was never between you and them anyway.
This poem is engraved on the wall of Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta.

I really needed to read this daily this week!

Todays Prayer: Lord, help me to be kind, forgiving, sucessful, honest, frank, to build, happy, good, and give the best I've got. Forgive me when I fail. Inevitibly, I will.

40 day devotional-day 12

The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish. Pope John Paul II

The most beautiful complement I ever received about one of my pregnancies was from a priest. When I told him I was pregnant he said: "How generous of you." Being open to life is generous. God loves to create and we are his co-creators. Amazing. My priest's compliment was in direct contrast to the negative comments from most everyone else. I am constantly shocked by how closed most people are to having more than two kids. I also find it sad that when someone who does have a bigger family announces "we're done." So that others will know they are being "responsible." When did we have to start making excuses for family size? When did we quit letting God plan and trusting that he would never give us more children than we could handle? The pervasive attitude in our society is that children are a financial drain. I was at an Autism fundraiser one time and we started going around the tables and introducing ourselves. When I announced I had four children one of the members said: "You're not having anymore kids, right?" It was as if I were somehow irresponsible for having a larger family since I had a child with a disability. I actually think that Willow is blessed to have brothers and sisters. She doesn't need "socialization" because there is a constant stream of kids coming and going from our house. Chris and I also get to experience a "typical" family life with our other children. It also teaches my "typical" children to be responsible for others and to respects those with special needs. It is Catholic social teaching in action. Life is always a gift, never a curse. My great Aunt had a daughter with Spina Bifida. This was years ago, when most families were choosing to put their children in homes (now many choose to abort.) My Aunt refused to put her daughter away. They told my Aunt and uncle their daughter would not even live until her fourth birthday. She lived well into her middle years and was an amazing person. She absolutely bloomed in my Aunt's care. My cousin was severely multi handicapped. My Aunt told me that they decided not to have anymore children so they could take care of my cousin. She did. Beautifully. What she underestimated was how hard it was going to be to take care of her in her older years. Her husband passed away and she did not have other children to help with her care. She was elderly and taking care of her was very, very hard but she did it. Eventually, her daughter died and she is alone now. When Willow was diagnosed she took me aside and told me to have as many children as I could. That she thought she was doing the right thing. Looking back, it would have been better for her to have siblings. That was the voice of experience talking and I listened. It truly was one of the best pieces of advice anyone has ever given me. I always tell people that Chris and I are so lucky because we will never be empty nesters. Some days are challenging but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Today's Prayer: Lord, please help families to embrace the gift of the Church's teachings on life and NFP. Help us to have the faith and understanding that you will never forsake us. Help me to remain open to life and your will. Amen.

40 day devotional-day 11

Sarah,

This prayer is for you. I love you. May God bless you abundantly with more children.

Blessings,

Tosha

Prayer to Our lady of La Leche for Another Child
Lovely Lady of La Leche, most loving mother of the Child Jesus, and my Mother, listen to my humble prayer. Your motherly heart knows my every wish, my every need. To you only, His spotless Virgin Mother, has your Divine Son given to understand the sentiments which fill my soul. Yours was the sacred privilege of being the Mother of the Saviour. Intercede with Him now, my loving Mother, that, in accordance with His will, I may become the mother of other children of our heavenly Father. This I ask, O Lady of La Leche, in the Name of your Divine Son, My Lord and Redeemer. Amen.

Today's Prayer: Lord, we pray for an end to abortion. We pray for all mothers to cherish and value life. We thank you for the precious treasures we have. We also pray for those trying to conceive that they be blessed with more children. Amen.

40 day devotional day 10

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

---

40 day devotional-day 9

Autism and the 7 deadly sins:
Did that catch your eye? I have always claimed that Willow literally has saved me. Any person that lives with a child with Autism is on an escalator to heaven. Not because we are saints or even extrordinary people. This devotional is a little more lighthearted but I definately think there is some truth in it. I would like to explain...

The Seven deadly sins are:
Pride-Unrestrained appreciation of our own worth
Greed-Immoderate desire for earthly goods
Lust-Hankering for impure pleasures
Anger-Inordinate desire for revenge
Gluttony-Unrestrained use of food and drink
Envy-Sorrow over another's good fortune
Sloth-Laxity in keeping the Faith and the practice of virtue

The opposite virtues are:
Humility
Liberality
Chastity
Meekness
Temperance
Brotherly Love
Diligence

Let's go through the opposite virtues one by one...
Humility-every day I understand that I really have NO IDEA what I am doing. I have no idea what my daughter is thinking and I am DESPERATE! I am down on my knees begging God to give me an answer. If cleaning up fecal smears is not humbling; there is no hope for you.
Liberality-Okay, if you are not a follower of my blog, you will get the condensed version. We are broke. Literally gave up everything so that my daughter would have even the slimmest chance at a good quality of life. I really could care less what we have or if it gets broken. I am not the least bit attached to anything but my DH and kids. Most people say they aren't materialistic but you should see the way they chase my daughter around so she won't break anything.
Chastity-Let's be honest here. I really don't have time or desire to fool around. I know infidelity may be a problem but not here. Not even the least bit interested. At all. Nobody would ever love the kids and I the way that Chris does. Dated too much. Got my heart smashed. Been there. Done that. It's not worth it. Still got a good one. Thank God for him every day!
Meekness-I have got to be candid. I really do get angry when people are staring or rude to my daughter. Or any of my kids for that matter. Judgement is going to be my constant companion throughout my life with Willow. I used to snap at people but then I realised why make someone feel as bad as me? An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. I look at confrontations with people when it comes to my child with Autism as teaching opportunities. I am not trying to be prideful but I am getting pretty good at it. I run through Autism statistics so fast they don't even know what hit them. Now, I use these situations as an opportunity to "instruct the ignorant." One of the Seven Corporal works of mercy!
Temperance-Well, our economic situation really is not condusive to being gluttonous. But I do like to have a good drink (who wouldn't?) and I love to cook (not very good at it.) So, I'm working on it!
Brotherly Love-I really don't begruge anyone anything. I happen to have a couple of friends who are very wealthy. They feel guilty. I always tell them "Would you rather be stressed out and broke like me?" Then they laugh.

Diligence-I really don't know how unbelievers go through life without going crazy! My faith sustains me. I have a great community of friends that share my same values. They are my lifeline. Autism has definately made me more devout and orthodox in my faith.

That being said I know the "Seven Deadly Sins" are a bit oldschool. I really think that we should be taking a serious reevaluation about what is important. I also think you should cut yourself some slack. Raising a family is HARD WORK. Figure out your problem areas and work on them. Just do it a step at a time.

Todays prayer: Lord help me live a virtuous life. Help me to live in humility, liberality, chastity, meekness, temperance, brotherly Love, and diligence. Amen

40 day devotional-Day 8

Our Lady of Sorrows

Deacon John Donelly referenced Our Lady of Sorrows today during Mass. He explained that when we have our babies Baptized rarely do we understand what motherhood really entails. This was especially the case with The Blessed Mother. Motherhood is like Golgotha he said. Amen. I was on the edge of my seat listening to...every. single. word. During the homily Landon started running a fever and fell asleep in my lap. It was only 12:30 and Chris and I were already exhausted and fighting to stay awake during Mass. My morning started with Willow peeing on the floor in her room. This Mother's Day was raw. The kids brought me breakfast and all of their gifts from school but today there was no pretending things are normal around here. I was reading this article by Faith and Family Live. It is about the seven sorrows of Mary. The more I thought about it the more blessed I felt. After Mass, Chris and I were cuddled up with our sick baby. We held hands. I got up and made brownies with Willow and spent time watching her dance and giggle in her own little world. Tiana and Alex played upstairs and the house was quiet. This is our kind of normal. I looked at my husband, exhausted from the morning and I FELT LOVE. It would not be possible without Him. Scripture says: And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2Cor 12:9. In my weakness today I received His grace. I thank the greatest Mother the world will ever see today. How can you thank someone that gave up her only Son so that I can spend eternity in Heaven? How can I thank her for all of the times that her Son has carried me? Given me hope? Today, I am giving thanks to Our Blessed Mother for all of the sacrifices and suffering she endured for me. I thank her for showing me how to say "yes" to life and to Jesus. I will contemplate the Wedding feast of Cana and her words "Do whatever He tells you." I will.

Today's Prayer:

Magnificat

My soul magnifies the Lord,And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.For He has regarded the low estate of His handmaiden,For behold, henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.For He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name. And His mercy is on those who fear Him from generation to generation.He has shown strength with His arm:He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.He has put down the mighty from their thrones,and exalted those of low degree.He has filled the hungry with good things;and the rich He has sent empty away.He has helped His servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy;As He spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to His posterity forever.
Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen

Day 7- The Proverbs 31 Woman.

The Proverbs 31 Woman :
Her Character as a Wife
10An excellent wife, who can find?For her worth is far above jewels.
rare, precious
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,And he will have no lack of gain.
trustworthy
12She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
kind

Her Devotion as a Homemaker
13She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight.
works joyfully
14She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.
goes extra mile to get choicest goods
15She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens.

disciplined
16She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
enterprising, prudent with money
17She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong.
energetic
18She senses that her gain is good;Her lamp does not go out at night.
good steward
19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,And her hands grasp the spindle.
diligent

Her Generosity as a Neighbor
20She extends her hand to the poor,And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
compassionate, generous

Her Devotion as a Homemaker
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
provident
22She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
elegant
23Her husband is known in the gates,When he sits among the elders of the land.
influential
24She makes linen garments and sells them,And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
industrious

Her Influence as a Teacher
25Strength and dignity are her clothing,And she smiles at the future.
poised
26She opens her mouth in wisdom,And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
wise

Her Effectiveness as a Mother
27She looks well to the ways of her household,And does not eat the bread of idleness.
manages her home
28Her children rise up and bless her;Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
praiseworthy

Her Excellence as a Person
29"Many daughters have done nobly,But you excel them all."
distinguished
30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
God-fearing
31Give her the product of her hands,And let her works praise her in the gates.
honored
~ Proverbs 31:10-31

Initially, this is a pretty intimidating list. It is also very uplifting for me. It tells me exactly what God finds attractive. I think of it as a "leg up." I actually do know a couple of "Proverbs 31 women." They are not intimidating in the least. They are sweet, humble, and inspirational...to name just a few qualities. I am going to do a Bible study on the attributes of the Proverbs 31 woman after our devotional. Get ready!

Today's Prayer: Lord help me to become the Proverbs 31 woman. Help me to focus on being beautiful to you and your standards and not the worlds ideals. Help me to see myself the same way you see me. Not the critical way I see myself. Amen.

40 day devotional-day 6

"Lord,I believe;help thou my unbelief." -Mark 9:24

I really did not mean to take a sabbatical from my devotional. Please forgive me and love me. I need that so much, now. Over the last couple of days my daughter has been regressing so much it is scaring me. Last night, my sister went out with my father to dinner. She left me with her 15 month old to care for. My mother was here and we decided it would be best that she took care of my nephew. Agreed. The few hours my sister was gone and my husband attended a work function were the hardest in my parenting life. Willow was completely destructive. I would go to clean something up and she was already on to the next mess. In a few short hours she:

• Pooped on the floor in the playroom


• urinated on my floor in my bedroom


• dumped water in the living room


• dumped lemonade in her room.


• The "grand finale" was her dumping my red wine spritzer and throwing it against the wall and all over the floor. Judge me...but I really wanted that drink!

I know my limits...so I put her in her room so I could go somewhere and have a good cry. I went to my office and e-mailed my husband about the "reign of terror" that was going on at our house. I heard a huge thud. I ignored it. Ten minutes later I heard my mother screaming in terror. She had tripped and had been laying in my sisters room, unable to move and get up. She had crawled to the door and opened it. Only then, could we hear her and ran upstairs. The baby was terrified and I felt horrible and started crying too. It was pretty much chaos until the kids went to bed. I was snapping, grouchy, and most of all unloving to the most vunerable members of my household. Pretty much feeling like a total failure. I had nothing left. Then...I got this e-mail from the mother of my precious Godson:

"Amen, Sister. God loves you and so do I! Big hugs to you, Tiana, Willow, Landon, Alex, and Chris from all of us here. We miss you and are inspired by you. Thank you for your blog. It is beautiful and amazing as well as humbling. I love the look on Willow’s face. The wheels are turning in there. What an amazing little girl you have. What an amazing little family you have. I think you have no idea the inspiration you provide so many of us who read your blogs. Have you considered turning your blogs into a book? I can totally see you as a published author. Think about it…"

Never underestimate the power of a good friend (Sirach 6:5-17). In my darkest hour, I saw the face of Jesus in her. Telling me that God loves me and how amazing my family is. He knew exactly what I needed to hear to help my "unbelief" and inability to see him in the moment. Thank you my sweet friend. Thank you, thank you, thank you with all that I have.

Today's prayer: Lord surround me with "true friends." Help me to be a friend and help me to conduct myself in a manner that honors you. Let us strive to become the Proverbs 31 woman and truly become "Sisters in Christ."

40 day devotional-Day 5

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you,
ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.
By this is my Father glorified,that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.”

I have spoken, many, many times of how God is generous. If you fail, God has no testimony in you. Put your trust in Him and you will live a life of abundance. Here is the key...it must glorify Him, not you. Happiness can convert more people than Bible Quotes and intellect ever will. Others will look to you and want to know what you have. This is even more obvious in homes with challenges. I have a friend who has ten children. I only had one at the time (who was an easy baby) and I asked her "How do you do it?" she said: "God." I learned more from observing their family than I could have ever learned from reading child development or theology books. They lived their faith in a way that I have rarely seen in my 40 years. God has blessed them abundantly and they bless others with their lives. They were faith-filled, happy, and genuine. I strive every day to live my life in this manner. She probably did not even know how powerful of an influence she had on me. I began going to daily Mass and striving for a richer prayer life. I also began using NFP and opened myself to having four more children. That one person changed my life in an incredible way. Our lives should be fruitful and glorify God. I still look to her for good counsel and spiritual direction. Someday, maybe if I'm blessed, I can help someone else the way that she has helped me to be "fruitful."

Today's prayer: Lord, let my life bear witness through you in times of prosperity and challenge. Let me glorify you in all ways so my life may be a testimony. Help me to glorify you in my marriage, friendships, and most especially my children. That they may grow in faith and walk with You. Also, help me to evangelize to others with my special needs child. Let me help others to see that I can do everything through You. Lift me up with wings like eagles and carry me when I am weak. Amen.

40 day devotional-day 3

Matthew 7: 7-11
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

This is my favorite verse in the Bible. I take him at his Word, literally. I can't tell you how many times over the past eight years I have been down on my knees asking for God's help. I always sought and found help and resources for my daughter and my family. He never fails. He is always there for me to comfort me and provide for my family.

Today's prayer is simple: Ask, seek, knock...he is waiting to open the door.

40 day devotional-Day 2

"At that time the disciples approached Jesus and said, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, "Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me. "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of things that cause sin! Such things must come, but woe to the one through whom they come! If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into fiery Gehenna. "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father." Matthew 18:1-11 (NAB)

Christ constantly reminds us that being child-like and simple is essential for getting into heaven. He also says "whoever recieves one of these in my name recieves me." He had a love for the poor and the afflicted, whose simplicity is evident. When I tell people about my daughter Willow having Autism, the reply I get most often is "I'm sorry." I am getting very candid and my response is always "I'm not." I go on to tell them that if the only thing that we are here for is to prepare for eternity...Willow is a shoe in! I really do worry about my other children more. I worry about Willow's safety and care but not her salvation. She is simple and pure. She does not have a mean bone in her body. That is a direct contrast to the secular attitude that children with special needs are a burden. It is because the modern day attitude is that if you child isn't smart, pretty, or talented enough to make money they aren't worth anything. God says different. He says we need to be focused on him, not ourselves. The rest is vanity. We need to look to these children and what they can teach us. Do not give in to what the worlds says. They are blessed and privileged.

Today's prayer: Lord, help me to be humble and simple like a child.

My MIL and DH rock!

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40 Day Devotional-Day 1

"If I did not simply suffer from one moment to another, it would be impossible for me to be patient; but I look only at the present moment, forget the past; and I take good care not to forestall the future. When we yield to discouragement or despair, it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future." St. Therese

This photo was taken two weeks after my daughter was born. The Neonatologist at St. Vincent's found a murmur shortly after her delivery. They recommended that we go to a cardiologist "just to be safe." Initially, they put her on heart medication but after just a week I knew something was really wrong. I called back the Doctor's office a couple of times and they told me just to wait until my next schedule appointment. The last 24 hours before her appointment I didn't sleep. I was afraid I would wake up with a non-responsive baby. If my mom (who is a NICU nurse) would not have been there I would have gone to the ER. It was that bad. When we got to the Doctor's office the Cardiologist said: "I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news. The good news is we know what is wrong. The bad news is you have to go to the hospital RIGHT NOW." My daughter was diagnosed with a rare heart disorder called Shones Syndrome. To say I was in shock is an understatement. This is the kind of stuff that happens to other people. Why me? God had an incredible plan for my life. I had a catalyst conversion experience praying by her bedside. I knew my daughter was special and I knew that she would change other's lives as much as she changed mine. Little did I know. Two years later on her second birthday my daughter was diagnosed with Autism. My journey with my daughter had just begun. In her short 8 years of life I have witnessed miracle after miracle. One of my favorite Scriptures in the Bible is John 9:3.

"As he passed by he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him."

This verse is powerful! We have been entrusted with children that God is going to be made visible through them! Wow! Next time you feel worn out, tired or stressed remember this precious gift. The world will tell you your child is a burden. We know what a blessing this is. Be conscious of this witness. Willow has taught me to live in the present and not to take anything for granted. I do not worry for what the future may bring because we are trying to help her RIGHT NOW. I know God will provide and the 401K plan can wait (Luke 12: 16-21).

Toady's Prayer: Lord, let your works be visible through my child. Help me to witness to others about the sanctity and dignity of life.