True Meaning of Christmas

So many things have happened this Christmas...I feel so blessed. I am writing a list of all that I am grateful for and the lessons I learned. my eight year old is going to help me. Here we go:
1. God will always provide. We were very blessed to have friends help us with Willows therapy. They were generous despite their own financial troubles. They are my new role models!!!
2. God will never give you more than you can handle. It has been a difficult semester. I could not have done it without my family and friends.
3. Marriage is always worth saving. We are called to love one another like Christ loves us.
4. Giving always feels way better than you think. (Krystiana, 8.)
5. How much I love my mother. She is the most unselfish person I have ever known. She will give to her detrimant. She is educated, kind, and generous. I hope I can be like her someday.
6. It is not your beginning but your end that counts.
7. Be Humble. Never quit learning.
8. Children are a gift from God not a financial burden.
9. I am so grateful for all of the amazing women God has put in my life.
10. I am grateful for my husband who is my best friend and soulmate.

Magical Season

I had one of the most magical days of my life. It started out rushed but all's well that ends well. Chris and Krystiana surprised me with tickets to The Nutcracker. I took my daughter on an impromptu shopping spree and we dressed up for the show! Watching her during the show was one of the most powerful parenting experiences I have ever felt. The awe on her face when watching the dancers for the first time was so wonderful. I can't remember what it was like when I could actually imagine the story really could happen. A child's imagination and innocence is one of Gods greatest gifts. Imagination has created masterpieces of all forms: art, music, architecture, books, the list could go on forever. Watching her face yesterday, I am more dedicated than ever to foster that childlike wonder and creativity as long as I can. Once that innocence is gone you cannot get it back. That is why Chris and I are such advocates of limiting children's exposure to adult content in TV, music, and conversation. Let children be an inspiration to adults. The Bible says we must be "like a child" in order to enter the kingdom. Let's remember that this Christmas season and let the Christ child lead us.

Grandpa Denham and Kids

This is the first picture of my Dad and all of his Grandkids!!!!

Family Pics

 

Proverbs 31 Woman

As much as I am able to every day, I will strive to be:

The Proverbs 31 Woman :

An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
Rare, precious
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
Trustworthy
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
Kind, her character
as a wife

She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
Works joyfully
She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
Goes extra mile to get choicest goods
She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
Disciplined
She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
Enterprising, prudent with money
She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
Energetic
She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
Good steward
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
Diligent, her Devotion
as a Homemaker

She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
Compassionate, generous her Generosity
as a Neighbor

She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
Provident
She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Elegant
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
Influential
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
Industrious, her devotion
as a Homemaker

Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
Poised
She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Wise, her influence
as a teacher

She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Manages her home
Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
Praiseworthy
"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."
Distinguished, her effectiveness
as a Mother
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
God-fearing
Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.
Honored. Her excellence
as a person


~ Proverbs 31:10-31

Recipe for Love

Make a Smilebox recipe

Sweetest Gift

Outside My Window ...
The neighborhood glows with Christmas lights.

***
I am listening to...
The new christian CD my husband made for me. He is really trying to live his faith.
***
Towards rhythm and beauty ...
We are trying to renew our faith. To immerse ourselves in the feasts and traditions of our rich Catholic faith.
***
I am thankful for ...
My family and friends. My close relationship with my mother. Also, for my new friend Christa. My marriage is going through a renaissance. It is beautiful.
***
From the kitchen ...
We are making Salt dough ornaments and trying to eat at home as much as possible. For dinner we are having homemade vegetable soup.
***
To live the liturgy...
Last week I met with our priest of 14 for (Chris, 20)years. I probably had one of the most honest confessions I ever had in 18 years as a Catholic. It has set me on fire again. I realised there were things in my life I needed to change and get rid of in order to grow spiritually. This advent has been so full of miracles.
***
I am wearing ...
Chris' sweats and an old favorite long sleeve black T-shirt.
***
I am creating ...
A secure, faith filled and loving home for my children.
***
Towards a real education ...
This year marks the second year of my children in a public setting. My emphasis is going to remain on character values and faith. I wish I were homeschooling but I know is is Gods will for now.
***
Bringing beauty to my home ...
Organization. Enough said. I have four kids!
***
I am reading ...
The Love Dare, Mommy Warriors, Medjugorje Day by Day, The Bible, and always to my kids!!!
***
I am hoping ...
To reconnect with some dear friends and make a spirit filled Christmas for my family.
***
Around the house ...
Organization. Enough said. I have four kids!
***
One of my favorite things ...
Christmas with my family. We do three gifts like the Wisemen did for Jesus. My daughter Krystiana's devotion to Jesus, Mary, and the Saints is awe inspiring.
***
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:
Last minute shopping, finals, and "nesting."

Priorities

This fall I have been a real glutton for punishment. Rather than airing my dirty laundry, I think the most important thing for me to note is that a lack of priorities has led me to this place. I quit praying the rosary, reading my Bible, going to my prayer group, daily Mass, and sought to educate and work outside my home in order to "better myself." It only took a nervous break down for me to see you can't serve God and the world. Over the years, I have watched friends and family fall prey to the modern mentality of financial security over the traditional family. I have watched over and over as women went outside of the home, even in older years, the family started to disenigrate. It is extremely difficult to differentiate in our materialistic society between wants and needs! My husband and I live in a very priveledged area in order to provide our Autistic daughter with an education we could not otherwise be able to provide. This semester, I decided to go back to school in order to eventually supplement my husbands income. It seems like an admirable goal. But all of the extra time that I should have been spending nurturing myself and my family I was studying. Then, it dawned on me it will never be any better after I start working! I have no idea how we are going to pay our bills but all I know is I am not going back next semester. Right now I am going to spend the Holiday season thanking God for my blessings and using Advent, Christmas, and epiphany to put God first in my life.

Love Dare

My friend Jen came over today...that meant nine children in my house!!!! My poor husband has been cleaning up the aftermath ever since. LOL. She is thinking of doing the book together as a family. She went to see the movie on a Wednesday night and the theatre was packed with youth groups. So amazing. I still haven't read today's dare. So you will have to wait or buy the book yourself!

The Love Dare

It has been a long time since a book has inspired me this much. I recently started reading a forty day devotioal called "The Love Dare." It is a christian devotioal based on a movie (ironically, I haven't seen) called Fireproof. As most of you know, I have an amazing marriage but this book has shown me how much more I should be doing. If anyone would like to join me I am interested in starting a reading group to do this book togrther. Anyone could learn from it. It based on corinthians. I am sending the hyperlink and I will be sending the scripture and dare each day. Get the book http://thelovedarebook.com/
Love,
Tosha

BUSY!

I have been so busy but I am finally getting caught up. Will keep you posted. Loving life this week.

My Heart's in San Francisco

This evening is my first night without Chris. He is in San Francisco for 5 days on business. We tearfully left him at the airport only a few hours ago and his calming (and very organized) presence is already being missed. This evenings plans were a total flop despite my best efforts. The kids had a school function called Lots-of-Fun. I prepped, packed, and brought in reinforcements...my faithful babysitter, Lizzy. I think I must be a glutton for punishment. We lasted for an hour and a half (I felt that was impressive). I admitted defeat when my five year old son, Alexander, started throwing dirt at passers by to relieve his boredom while waiting his turn in line. The nighttime routine went well. All four children were worn out from the Jupiter jump and running away from me the entire time. I am off to bed. Regretfully, I promised Krystiana she could sleep with me until Chris gets back. You couldn't ask for a better child but she is the worst bedhog. Only four more days after midnight...

Succesful Surgery

The surgery was a success. Dr. Williamson found Endometriosis behind my uterus on the right hand side. He removed it and I feel so much better already! We are supposed to meet with in the next couple of weeks to discuss treatment options. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Blessings

We lost our baby on July 29th. We trust God's will. I know I will see my baby again in Heaven someday. I am scheduled for a Laperoscopy tomorrow to try and figure out what is going on. I have pain and cramping on an almost daily basis. My family and friends have been wonderful. They are being very supportive. I am so blessed. I trust my Doctor and I know I am in good hands. Thank you for your prayers.

Tosha

Prayers

Please pray for Chris and I. My HcG levels have dropped and the Doctor says I will miscarry. I am feeling fine and hope this is all a terrible mistake. Thank you so much...

Expecting Again

God has chosen to bless Christopher and I with another child. I was thinking the other day about how blessed we are. We were told that we may never have any children. I put my faith in God and we were blessed with our first, Krystiana, eight years ago. I started trying to get pregnant on my wedding night. Four years, and many, many, tears and prayers later she came. Then came Willow, 6, Alexander, 5, and Landon 1. Ever since I was a little girl all I ever wanted to be was a mother. I find it sad that children in our society are viewed as burdens not blessings. The larger our family grows, the less enthusiastic the responses are when we tell people we are expecting. I was profoundly affected by my best friend in elementary school, Missy Persons. She was one of thirteen children. She LOVED her family. At the time, I knew that my family wasn't happy. My parent's marriage was failing. When I stepped into her house it was one of the most powerful experiences I have ever had. The Bible says that a happy family is but an earlier heaven...that is the only way I can describe the love in that home. It was like a child's wonderland. Missy also had a sister who was severely disabled. The way she was treated has set a precedent for what I expect for my own daughter, Willow. The baby was sitting on her lap and one of Missy's sisters was excitedly pushing her around in her wheelchair. The thing that I remember is everybody was laughing. I am very excited that the gift of a large family is finally becoming a reality for me. I am praying that God continues to bless us with health, prosperity, and, yes, more children.

Today's Readings

John said to Jesus,“Teacher, we saw someone driving out demons in your name,and we tried to prevent him because he does not follow us.”Jesus replied, “Do not prevent him. There is no one who performs a mighty deed in my name who can at the same time speak ill of me. For whoever is not against us is for us.”

Today's Gospel is one of my favorite quotes from the Bible. It demonstrates that Christ does not want strife among denominations. All of the nit-picky things that we criticise other faiths for, really does not matter. In the end, all that he cares about is that we know and serve him. When I first converted...I was so prideful about being Catholic! I wanted to tell everybody the good news. I did not realise that sometimes I was hurtful. They need to hand out this quote at the end of every RCIA class. Anyway, I think I made my point.

The Puzzle

Today, I was reflecting on the irony of Autism as being described as a puzzle. Because in many ways that is always how I have felt about my life. I knew God always had something beautiful planned for me but I could really never see the whole picture. Just bits and pieces. My youth was very unstable and chaotic. There really was never enough consistency to plan the day, much less my future. Sprinkle that with a little ADD and you have the first 25 years of my life. Before you get out your hankie...it was not all bad. Something priceless came from my early life experience: patience and resiliency. I don't have to plan every minute of my life and I am very easily contented. My crazy past prepared me for life with an Autistic child. I always tell people Willow just "fits" with our family and life would be so boring without her. I know now, that God allowed the suffering in my past to prepare me for my future. With that knowledge, I am blessed.

Sleepless nights

I don't know why I continue to do this to myself. Last night, I couldn't sleep. Time alone is a rare thing for me. So I find myself thinking about my day and planning the next. Before I realise... it is 1, 2, then 3:00 in the morning. I would not necessarily call myself an insomniac, but the more responsibilities I have, the more I feel guilty for sleeping. I know. I probably need therapy...but that is not the point. I always make the most of the time. I pray and reflect upon my day. Landon started stirring around 3:00am and I felt a longing to hold him. Normally, I would let him fuss but last night it really hit me how fast they grow up. So I sat in the dark and stroked his soft hair, kissed his fat cheek, and let him sleep on my chest. I literally held him for three hours. Feeling the rhythm of the breathing on my chest. Wondering to myself:"Is this season of my life really over?" and "am I really ready for it to be?" Motherhood has been such a powerful, rewarding experience for me. I have felt God's call from the very beginning of my marriage to be open to life. It is difficult for people to understand this sometimes. God has formed and changed me through every birth. As crazy as my life appears to be; I have peace in knowing that I am living my true vocation: motherhood.

WWJD?

I am sure most of you have seen
"WWJD?" before. It stands for "What Would Jesus Do?" Right? Wrong! In my case, It stands for "What Would Julie Do?" Well, meet Julie Helow and her amazing family. My friend Anita and I came up with that phrase one afternoon. We both had the privilege of being touched by this amazing woman and her family. She has often been described as a "living saint." When I think of what kind of person I would like to be...I think of her. She is probably the most inspiring woman I have ever met. She has been an incredible role model for me. There are several things I have learned from her that I would like to share.

Tips for a strong Catholic family:

• Make attending daily Mass a priority. She has 10 kids and she can make it. Enough said.
• Pray the Rosary daily and try to instill a strong prayer life in your children.
• Make your marriage and family a priority. If at all possible, stay at home with your kids.
• Make Catholic education a priority. Teaching your children about their faith should be your first priority.
• Don't be afraid to hire help. You should not have to do everything. The kids can help too. It allows you more time with your family and helps teach responsibility toward others.
• Surround yourself with people who share the same values as you!
• Be consistent. They have the same address, friends, and church...forever. Stability is key for secure kids.
• Take time for faith formation. Read, go to conferences, etc... You can't evangelize if you don't know your faith.
• Live the principles of Catholic social teachings. Which is simply...live simply so that others may simply live. Let your children see you sacrificing to give to others.
• Last, but not least, don't be afraid to be open to life.

Julie also told me one time to start your day with a morning offering. A practice I try to live every day. I fall very short most days but I strive to spend more time with God every day. That is probably the most important thing she taught me. That God can give you the strength to get through anything. I am also sure that she probably has no idea how much she has changed my life and the life of my family. Which brings me to my point. Most us us do not realise how much we influence others. More important than asking people if they know Christ, is showing people that you know Christ. Being a light. My only hope is that someday, someone will say that about me.

Happy Mothers Day!

I probably have had the best Mother's Day EVER!!!! Chris and the kids made me breakfast this morning. They gave me their gifts and we went to our old church. We saw tons of people we haven't seen in ages and I sat next to one of my best friends and her four children during Mass. The kids were perfect. You will here this from me over, and over, again. Our daughter Willow is Autistic and we never know how she will react to a novel situation. New experiences scare her and she often reacts in the only way she knows how: crying fits. Visiting family or friends is always a source of incredible stress for us. So when things go smoothly it is AWESOME! Earlier in the week, I told my Uncle I wanted to come to his Mother's day cookout but I was worried about Willow. I explained how stressful it was to take her places. My Uncle listened carefully and then did something novel. He said: " Tosha, what can we do to make things more comfortable for you and set things up for Willow?" I explained a few things and he said they would be happy to do it and told me not to be anxious if Willow had a bad day. We went to my Uncle Gary's....and the kids blew out in their backyard. No crying, no fits, no meltdowns. Despite my Grandmother's warnings about keeping Willow out of my Aunt's flowers, every pluck, was met with a smile and shrug from my Aunt. We had one of the nicest family outings we have had in ages. I think the most interesting thing is that my Aunt and Uncle never had any children. Because they did not have any preconcieved ideas about childrearing, they were able to accomidate us in a way that most can't. Because they lacked judgement. There was no criticism, parenting advice, or running around telling my daughter "No-No! Don't touch the pretties (which should be put up--but that is another column)!" They were happy to have us there...even if it meant a few missing flowers. Ahhhhh...I can't wait until the next cookout!

First Communion

Make a Smilebox photobook

Miss Momma

This week has been so crazy. I have finals, my BFF's Dad is in the hospital, my husband is studying for the LSAT, yadda, yadda, yadda...The thing that keeps me sane is how I see God working in our lives. We are so blessed. The more we give the more it comes back.