I don't know why I continue to do this to myself. Last night, I couldn't sleep. Time alone is a rare thing for me. So I find myself thinking about my day and planning the next. Before I realise... it is 1, 2, then 3:00 in the morning. I would not necessarily call myself an insomniac, but the more responsibilities I have, the more I feel guilty for sleeping. I know. I probably need therapy...but that is not the point. I always make the most of the time. I pray and reflect upon my day. Landon started stirring around 3:00am and I felt a longing to hold him. Normally, I would let him fuss but last night it really hit me how fast they grow up. So I sat in the dark and stroked his soft hair, kissed his fat cheek, and let him sleep on my chest. I literally held him for three hours. Feeling the rhythm of the breathing on my chest. Wondering to myself:"Is this season of my life really over?" and "am I really ready for it to be?" Motherhood has been such a powerful, rewarding experience for me. I have felt God's call from the very beginning of my marriage to be open to life. It is difficult for people to understand this sometimes. God has formed and changed me through every birth. As crazy as my life appears to be; I have peace in knowing that I am living my true vocation: motherhood.
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