4 Mom

I had an amazing 4th of July. I was all set to tell you about the fireworks...and then I missed my Mom. I went through a "dark night of the soul" for several months. Actually, it really started two years ago but it took this long to get really ugly. The end result being a Renaissance of my faith. I guess I must be a really slow learner but I finally get what He has been trying to tell me for 39 years. I love you unconditionally. I am your Father. I want you to have a happy, faith-filled life full of joy and abundance. Everything that is in your life, including suffering, is for your benefit. I know this does not seen like rocket science. It's in the Bible, right? The problem was I understood it but I wasn't really living it. The 'peace within the storm' moments were fleeting. I have major anxiety problems. I thought if I just got through things that I was doing great. My entire life all I have ever wanted was stability. My childhood was chaos. I reminded my mother of this all the time, trust me! I have spent my entire adult life trying to give my kids what I thought I never had. Imagine how mortifying it has been for me to deal with moving 9 times, job losses, complicated pregnancies, financial problems, and a raising a disabled child. Don't get me wrong. I love my family. I have the most AMAZING friends. I am married to my best friend and soul mate. The only thing that has ever really eluded me is stability. Which brings me to my point. I had it but I really was just to stupid to see His point. All I should need is Him. Not the same address and phone number. My mom gave me something better than a white picket fence. She showed me that stability is not in things. Houses will go and people will fail you. She has loved me my whole life with her entire being. Without condition. She sacrificed for me so that I can have my wonderful life. She showed me that being a Christian is more than going to church. It is the same gift that I am giving my children. Chris and I chaotically loaded the kids up tonight and went out seeking fireworks. It is our typical style. No pre-planning whatsoever. Like mother, like daughter. We found a patch of grass that nobody else wanted and four wheel drove our truck into it. Did I mention we don't have four wheel drive? We forgot to unload the truck last night and our chairs and pack and play were still in the back! Right about the time the mosquito's were about to eat us up another suburban pulled up and they had bug spray. It was the most amazing, magical night. My Mom would have loved it.