40 day devotional-Day 2

"At that time the disciples approached Jesus and said, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, "Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me. "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of things that cause sin! Such things must come, but woe to the one through whom they come! If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life maimed or crippled than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into fiery Gehenna. "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father." Matthew 18:1-11 (NAB)

Christ constantly reminds us that being child-like and simple is essential for getting into heaven. He also says "whoever recieves one of these in my name recieves me." He had a love for the poor and the afflicted, whose simplicity is evident. When I tell people about my daughter Willow having Autism, the reply I get most often is "I'm sorry." I am getting very candid and my response is always "I'm not." I go on to tell them that if the only thing that we are here for is to prepare for eternity...Willow is a shoe in! I really do worry about my other children more. I worry about Willow's safety and care but not her salvation. She is simple and pure. She does not have a mean bone in her body. That is a direct contrast to the secular attitude that children with special needs are a burden. It is because the modern day attitude is that if you child isn't smart, pretty, or talented enough to make money they aren't worth anything. God says different. He says we need to be focused on him, not ourselves. The rest is vanity. We need to look to these children and what they can teach us. Do not give in to what the worlds says. They are blessed and privileged.

Today's prayer: Lord, help me to be humble and simple like a child.

My MIL and DH rock!

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40 Day Devotional-Day 1

"If I did not simply suffer from one moment to another, it would be impossible for me to be patient; but I look only at the present moment, forget the past; and I take good care not to forestall the future. When we yield to discouragement or despair, it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future." St. Therese

This photo was taken two weeks after my daughter was born. The Neonatologist at St. Vincent's found a murmur shortly after her delivery. They recommended that we go to a cardiologist "just to be safe." Initially, they put her on heart medication but after just a week I knew something was really wrong. I called back the Doctor's office a couple of times and they told me just to wait until my next schedule appointment. The last 24 hours before her appointment I didn't sleep. I was afraid I would wake up with a non-responsive baby. If my mom (who is a NICU nurse) would not have been there I would have gone to the ER. It was that bad. When we got to the Doctor's office the Cardiologist said: "I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news. The good news is we know what is wrong. The bad news is you have to go to the hospital RIGHT NOW." My daughter was diagnosed with a rare heart disorder called Shones Syndrome. To say I was in shock is an understatement. This is the kind of stuff that happens to other people. Why me? God had an incredible plan for my life. I had a catalyst conversion experience praying by her bedside. I knew my daughter was special and I knew that she would change other's lives as much as she changed mine. Little did I know. Two years later on her second birthday my daughter was diagnosed with Autism. My journey with my daughter had just begun. In her short 8 years of life I have witnessed miracle after miracle. One of my favorite Scriptures in the Bible is John 9:3.

"As he passed by he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him."

This verse is powerful! We have been entrusted with children that God is going to be made visible through them! Wow! Next time you feel worn out, tired or stressed remember this precious gift. The world will tell you your child is a burden. We know what a blessing this is. Be conscious of this witness. Willow has taught me to live in the present and not to take anything for granted. I do not worry for what the future may bring because we are trying to help her RIGHT NOW. I know God will provide and the 401K plan can wait (Luke 12: 16-21).

Toady's Prayer: Lord, let your works be visible through my child. Help me to witness to others about the sanctity and dignity of life.

Betrayal

~ Betrayal is about learning not to idealize external sources. ~
Linda Talley

Recently, I wrote about this amazing story. Our daughter Willow has put herself in harms way countless times. When someone does not have an Autistic child, this is a hard concept to grasp. In the past two years in Tulsa three children with Autism have been killed. Several others have been lost or hurt. We were on the news the last time. The snap judgement for someone who does not have a disabled child is "Why don't you just keep track of her?" or "How could they be so stupid?" Only after someone entered our home could they know that we put deadbolts on every door upon moving in. Our windows are screwed shut to keep her from climbing out...which she would. We have the pantry and laundry room locked to because she makes terrible messes out of soap or any other gooey liquid she can get her hands on. Sometimes this includes her own feces or urine. My house is a mess not because I am a slob but I choose to put my time into relationships. I wish it were cleaner but I would rather hear Willow talk or her brothers and sisters grow up emotionally healthy. Chris and I also need time to decompress and get away either together or separately. So the laundry piles up and the dishes don't get washed as quick as they should. Only after someone got to know us would they understand the sacrifices we have made to improve her quality of life. Sometimes, to our own detriment. I cannot express the love and prayers that have been poured over her and for our family. She has absolutely no sense of self preservation and cannot comprehend that she can be harmed. It is an act of God that she has never been hurt...not even a scratch. It is a testimony to God's immense love for her and how she is here to lead others to Him. She does not have the ability to understand that behind every gate she opens there is the potential for danger. When we are searching I think of every...single...one. What if a dog attacked her? What if she gets in a pool and drowns? What if she gets hit by a car? What if someone has chemicals out? What if she was abducted and raped? This is my life. I also have three amazing other children that need to have their own emotional and physical needs met. They deserve our time too. I do my job gladly because this is my dream. All I ever wanted was to have a man that loved and cherished me. I always knew I wanted to have a "big Catholic family." I know it is hard for others to grasp but I love my life. The hardest part of my life is not the physical care of my daughter with special needs. It is living with the constant rejection and judgement I am subjected to on an almost daily basis. The most devastating kind is when it is someone close to us who chooses to be critical rather than loving. Two days ago, the ultimate betrayal happened. After Willow got out, someone called DHS on our family about Willow. They told them she had Autism and got out of the house more than once. The case worker showed up, unannounced. They questioned the older two kids, Chris and I were not allowed to be present. They asked my oldest if we kept any drugs in the house. I could hear My oldest defending her little sister through the door. It was my worst nightmare come to life. How could anyone doubt the love and dedication we have for our children? Chris got home and she proceeded to question each of us separately. Obviously, they found nothing but four happy and well cared for children (and a messy house). They found two educated parents who had many safeguards in place for their daughter. Since the two days DHS left I have been vacillating between anger and incredible sadness. I feel wounded and betrayed. Every time I leave my house I will wonder who called. They are closing the case in 30 days but my husband and I now have a permanent complaint record with DHS. Whoever the person was obviously didn't know us. That makes it a little better, sometimes. Then I think of the worst case scenario. What would have happened if the person that called got their way? What if DHS thought Willow was in "imminent danger" here? There is no residential home in Oklahoma for children with developmental disabilities. I am sure they did not know that. It would have put my daughter in state foster care. With strangers who are uneducated and have no clue about Autism or my daughter. Ultimately, this would have put her in a situation to be neglected, abused or killed. She also would not have access to her incredible school or therapists. Willow would also have no way to comprehend why her Mommy wasn't there. I have been reading scripture, praying and counting my blessings but the pain and fear slowly creeps back. I'm human. I am sure it will be this way for awhile. The best council I have received has been from others who have children on the spectrum or know of people who were also vindictively or falsely accused of something. I keep asking myself if they were worried about my daughter why didn't they stop by and offer to help? When did we start thinking that "Love your neighbor as yourself" was best done through calling state agencies and attorneys? Are we really THAT busy? It also made me think of how I have failed to reach out to others out of fear of being rejected or hurt. I also wonder what greater good can come from this. I may never know here. Until then, I can only pray for the person that did this and hope nothing like this ever happens to them. The thought of someone hurting like this is unbearable to me. I challenge anyone who reads this to look up this scripture. It is about love of your enemies. Read it, memorize it and live your life by it. God Bless you all.

Luke 6:27-36

Quote of the day...

"I'm not gunna share and I don't wunna share!"

-Landon Schiffli to his Mother when she reached for his popcorn.

A Mother's Struggle

I have battled this constantly. I thought I might share it with you. It is such a beautiful post. Hope you are having a blessed day.

40 bags in 40 days...

Okay, my attempt at 40 bags in 40 days was a complete flop. I know this because last night I cleaned up my toy room. We STILL have too much. I am making room for my sister and her baby to come stay with us for two weeks. Did I mention my sister is an interior designer? She has been on HGTV three times and has worked for such design Gurus like Michael Smith. My house is a complete pigsty. We are overrun with toys, papers, mail, and laundry, my God, the laundry! I am going to have to work like crazy for the next two weeks. I want to "bless, not stress" her with a clean home. I am not looking for perfection here. There is an understanding that when you stay with someone with four kids you are not going to get perfection. She also knows Willow lives here. Enough said. I play with my kids. I am a get down on the ground Mama. My kids are read to, cuddled, played with, we have great conversations and in general, are the happiest kids I know. Still, my sister likes a clean home. Nothing like family visiting to get your home in order! So, back to baggin!