Fourth Grade Graduation

Five years ago, we moved to this area so our children could have the opportunity to attend Jenks Southeast Elementary.  At that time, all of our children were attending different schools.  I was emotionally and physically exhausted from running all over the place (while pregnant with my fourth) and it just wasn't working.  At all.  We were in another district and their idea of educating a child with Autism was teaching her to sit in a chair all day.  We also were paying for services out of our own pocket because the school literally provided nothing.  Ouch.  If we moved to JSE Willow could have her own aid, they would provide more services, and the kids could attend the same school.  Jenks was a "full inclusion" school and it would allow her to attend classes with "neuro-typical" kids for the majority of the day.  It was a difficult time for our family and the choice to move was a hard one.  The area we would have to move to in South Tulsa was very affluent and we would have to make some sacrifices in order to make it work.  Looking at my daughter today I can honestly say it was worth it.  She has made so much progress and has come so far that I know in my heart had we not moved she would not have the same quality of life.  The school has been so supportive and has bent over backwards for us.  The administration, teachers, and Paras are amazing and truly love her.  Today marks a new chapter for us.  Willow graduated from JSE today.  Tiana, baby and I were there to watch her and record the whole thing for Daddy.  It went very well...even without her headphones;)  Congratulations, Willow!  Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you!

Betrayal

~ Betrayal is about learning not to idealize external sources. ~
Linda Talley

Recently, I wrote about this amazing story. Our daughter Willow has put herself in harms way countless times. When someone does not have an Autistic child, this is a hard concept to grasp. In the past two years in Tulsa three children with Autism have been killed. Several others have been lost or hurt. We were on the news the last time. The snap judgement for someone who does not have a disabled child is "Why don't you just keep track of her?" or "How could they be so stupid?" Only after someone entered our home could they know that we put deadbolts on every door upon moving in. Our windows are screwed shut to keep her from climbing out...which she would. We have the pantry and laundry room locked to because she makes terrible messes out of soap or any other gooey liquid she can get her hands on. Sometimes this includes her own feces or urine. My house is a mess not because I am a slob but I choose to put my time into relationships. I wish it were cleaner but I would rather hear Willow talk or her brothers and sisters grow up emotionally healthy. Chris and I also need time to decompress and get away either together or separately. So the laundry piles up and the dishes don't get washed as quick as they should. Only after someone got to know us would they understand the sacrifices we have made to improve her quality of life. Sometimes, to our own detriment. I cannot express the love and prayers that have been poured over her and for our family. She has absolutely no sense of self preservation and cannot comprehend that she can be harmed. It is an act of God that she has never been hurt...not even a scratch. It is a testimony to God's immense love for her and how she is here to lead others to Him. She does not have the ability to understand that behind every gate she opens there is the potential for danger. When we are searching I think of every...single...one. What if a dog attacked her? What if she gets in a pool and drowns? What if she gets hit by a car? What if someone has chemicals out? What if she was abducted and raped? This is my life. I also have three amazing other children that need to have their own emotional and physical needs met. They deserve our time too. I do my job gladly because this is my dream. All I ever wanted was to have a man that loved and cherished me. I always knew I wanted to have a "big Catholic family." I know it is hard for others to grasp but I love my life. The hardest part of my life is not the physical care of my daughter with special needs. It is living with the constant rejection and judgement I am subjected to on an almost daily basis. The most devastating kind is when it is someone close to us who chooses to be critical rather than loving. Two days ago, the ultimate betrayal happened. After Willow got out, someone called DHS on our family about Willow. They told them she had Autism and got out of the house more than once. The case worker showed up, unannounced. They questioned the older two kids, Chris and I were not allowed to be present. They asked my oldest if we kept any drugs in the house. I could hear My oldest defending her little sister through the door. It was my worst nightmare come to life. How could anyone doubt the love and dedication we have for our children? Chris got home and she proceeded to question each of us separately. Obviously, they found nothing but four happy and well cared for children (and a messy house). They found two educated parents who had many safeguards in place for their daughter. Since the two days DHS left I have been vacillating between anger and incredible sadness. I feel wounded and betrayed. Every time I leave my house I will wonder who called. They are closing the case in 30 days but my husband and I now have a permanent complaint record with DHS. Whoever the person was obviously didn't know us. That makes it a little better, sometimes. Then I think of the worst case scenario. What would have happened if the person that called got their way? What if DHS thought Willow was in "imminent danger" here? There is no residential home in Oklahoma for children with developmental disabilities. I am sure they did not know that. It would have put my daughter in state foster care. With strangers who are uneducated and have no clue about Autism or my daughter. Ultimately, this would have put her in a situation to be neglected, abused or killed. She also would not have access to her incredible school or therapists. Willow would also have no way to comprehend why her Mommy wasn't there. I have been reading scripture, praying and counting my blessings but the pain and fear slowly creeps back. I'm human. I am sure it will be this way for awhile. The best council I have received has been from others who have children on the spectrum or know of people who were also vindictively or falsely accused of something. I keep asking myself if they were worried about my daughter why didn't they stop by and offer to help? When did we start thinking that "Love your neighbor as yourself" was best done through calling state agencies and attorneys? Are we really THAT busy? It also made me think of how I have failed to reach out to others out of fear of being rejected or hurt. I also wonder what greater good can come from this. I may never know here. Until then, I can only pray for the person that did this and hope nothing like this ever happens to them. The thought of someone hurting like this is unbearable to me. I challenge anyone who reads this to look up this scripture. It is about love of your enemies. Read it, memorize it and live your life by it. God Bless you all.

Luke 6:27-36