40 day devotional day 10

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

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40 day devotional-day 9

Autism and the 7 deadly sins:
Did that catch your eye? I have always claimed that Willow literally has saved me. Any person that lives with a child with Autism is on an escalator to heaven. Not because we are saints or even extrordinary people. This devotional is a little more lighthearted but I definately think there is some truth in it. I would like to explain...

The Seven deadly sins are:
Pride-Unrestrained appreciation of our own worth
Greed-Immoderate desire for earthly goods
Lust-Hankering for impure pleasures
Anger-Inordinate desire for revenge
Gluttony-Unrestrained use of food and drink
Envy-Sorrow over another's good fortune
Sloth-Laxity in keeping the Faith and the practice of virtue

The opposite virtues are:
Humility
Liberality
Chastity
Meekness
Temperance
Brotherly Love
Diligence

Let's go through the opposite virtues one by one...
Humility-every day I understand that I really have NO IDEA what I am doing. I have no idea what my daughter is thinking and I am DESPERATE! I am down on my knees begging God to give me an answer. If cleaning up fecal smears is not humbling; there is no hope for you.
Liberality-Okay, if you are not a follower of my blog, you will get the condensed version. We are broke. Literally gave up everything so that my daughter would have even the slimmest chance at a good quality of life. I really could care less what we have or if it gets broken. I am not the least bit attached to anything but my DH and kids. Most people say they aren't materialistic but you should see the way they chase my daughter around so she won't break anything.
Chastity-Let's be honest here. I really don't have time or desire to fool around. I know infidelity may be a problem but not here. Not even the least bit interested. At all. Nobody would ever love the kids and I the way that Chris does. Dated too much. Got my heart smashed. Been there. Done that. It's not worth it. Still got a good one. Thank God for him every day!
Meekness-I have got to be candid. I really do get angry when people are staring or rude to my daughter. Or any of my kids for that matter. Judgement is going to be my constant companion throughout my life with Willow. I used to snap at people but then I realised why make someone feel as bad as me? An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind. I look at confrontations with people when it comes to my child with Autism as teaching opportunities. I am not trying to be prideful but I am getting pretty good at it. I run through Autism statistics so fast they don't even know what hit them. Now, I use these situations as an opportunity to "instruct the ignorant." One of the Seven Corporal works of mercy!
Temperance-Well, our economic situation really is not condusive to being gluttonous. But I do like to have a good drink (who wouldn't?) and I love to cook (not very good at it.) So, I'm working on it!
Brotherly Love-I really don't begruge anyone anything. I happen to have a couple of friends who are very wealthy. They feel guilty. I always tell them "Would you rather be stressed out and broke like me?" Then they laugh.

Diligence-I really don't know how unbelievers go through life without going crazy! My faith sustains me. I have a great community of friends that share my same values. They are my lifeline. Autism has definately made me more devout and orthodox in my faith.

That being said I know the "Seven Deadly Sins" are a bit oldschool. I really think that we should be taking a serious reevaluation about what is important. I also think you should cut yourself some slack. Raising a family is HARD WORK. Figure out your problem areas and work on them. Just do it a step at a time.

Todays prayer: Lord help me live a virtuous life. Help me to live in humility, liberality, chastity, meekness, temperance, brotherly Love, and diligence. Amen

40 day devotional-Day 8

Our Lady of Sorrows

Deacon John Donelly referenced Our Lady of Sorrows today during Mass. He explained that when we have our babies Baptized rarely do we understand what motherhood really entails. This was especially the case with The Blessed Mother. Motherhood is like Golgotha he said. Amen. I was on the edge of my seat listening to...every. single. word. During the homily Landon started running a fever and fell asleep in my lap. It was only 12:30 and Chris and I were already exhausted and fighting to stay awake during Mass. My morning started with Willow peeing on the floor in her room. This Mother's Day was raw. The kids brought me breakfast and all of their gifts from school but today there was no pretending things are normal around here. I was reading this article by Faith and Family Live. It is about the seven sorrows of Mary. The more I thought about it the more blessed I felt. After Mass, Chris and I were cuddled up with our sick baby. We held hands. I got up and made brownies with Willow and spent time watching her dance and giggle in her own little world. Tiana and Alex played upstairs and the house was quiet. This is our kind of normal. I looked at my husband, exhausted from the morning and I FELT LOVE. It would not be possible without Him. Scripture says: And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2Cor 12:9. In my weakness today I received His grace. I thank the greatest Mother the world will ever see today. How can you thank someone that gave up her only Son so that I can spend eternity in Heaven? How can I thank her for all of the times that her Son has carried me? Given me hope? Today, I am giving thanks to Our Blessed Mother for all of the sacrifices and suffering she endured for me. I thank her for showing me how to say "yes" to life and to Jesus. I will contemplate the Wedding feast of Cana and her words "Do whatever He tells you." I will.

Today's Prayer:

Magnificat

My soul magnifies the Lord,And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.For He has regarded the low estate of His handmaiden,For behold, henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.For He who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is His name. And His mercy is on those who fear Him from generation to generation.He has shown strength with His arm:He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.He has put down the mighty from their thrones,and exalted those of low degree.He has filled the hungry with good things;and the rich He has sent empty away.He has helped His servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy;As He spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to His posterity forever.
Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen

Day 7- The Proverbs 31 Woman.

The Proverbs 31 Woman :
Her Character as a Wife
10An excellent wife, who can find?For her worth is far above jewels.
rare, precious
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,And he will have no lack of gain.
trustworthy
12She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.
kind

Her Devotion as a Homemaker
13She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight.
works joyfully
14She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.
goes extra mile to get choicest goods
15She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens.

disciplined
16She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
enterprising, prudent with money
17She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong.
energetic
18She senses that her gain is good;Her lamp does not go out at night.
good steward
19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,And her hands grasp the spindle.
diligent

Her Generosity as a Neighbor
20She extends her hand to the poor,And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
compassionate, generous

Her Devotion as a Homemaker
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
provident
22She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
elegant
23Her husband is known in the gates,When he sits among the elders of the land.
influential
24She makes linen garments and sells them,And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
industrious

Her Influence as a Teacher
25Strength and dignity are her clothing,And she smiles at the future.
poised
26She opens her mouth in wisdom,And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
wise

Her Effectiveness as a Mother
27She looks well to the ways of her household,And does not eat the bread of idleness.
manages her home
28Her children rise up and bless her;Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
praiseworthy

Her Excellence as a Person
29"Many daughters have done nobly,But you excel them all."
distinguished
30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
God-fearing
31Give her the product of her hands,And let her works praise her in the gates.
honored
~ Proverbs 31:10-31

Initially, this is a pretty intimidating list. It is also very uplifting for me. It tells me exactly what God finds attractive. I think of it as a "leg up." I actually do know a couple of "Proverbs 31 women." They are not intimidating in the least. They are sweet, humble, and inspirational...to name just a few qualities. I am going to do a Bible study on the attributes of the Proverbs 31 woman after our devotional. Get ready!

Today's Prayer: Lord help me to become the Proverbs 31 woman. Help me to focus on being beautiful to you and your standards and not the worlds ideals. Help me to see myself the same way you see me. Not the critical way I see myself. Amen.

40 day devotional-day 6

"Lord,I believe;help thou my unbelief." -Mark 9:24

I really did not mean to take a sabbatical from my devotional. Please forgive me and love me. I need that so much, now. Over the last couple of days my daughter has been regressing so much it is scaring me. Last night, my sister went out with my father to dinner. She left me with her 15 month old to care for. My mother was here and we decided it would be best that she took care of my nephew. Agreed. The few hours my sister was gone and my husband attended a work function were the hardest in my parenting life. Willow was completely destructive. I would go to clean something up and she was already on to the next mess. In a few short hours she:

• Pooped on the floor in the playroom


• urinated on my floor in my bedroom


• dumped water in the living room


• dumped lemonade in her room.


• The "grand finale" was her dumping my red wine spritzer and throwing it against the wall and all over the floor. Judge me...but I really wanted that drink!

I know my limits...so I put her in her room so I could go somewhere and have a good cry. I went to my office and e-mailed my husband about the "reign of terror" that was going on at our house. I heard a huge thud. I ignored it. Ten minutes later I heard my mother screaming in terror. She had tripped and had been laying in my sisters room, unable to move and get up. She had crawled to the door and opened it. Only then, could we hear her and ran upstairs. The baby was terrified and I felt horrible and started crying too. It was pretty much chaos until the kids went to bed. I was snapping, grouchy, and most of all unloving to the most vunerable members of my household. Pretty much feeling like a total failure. I had nothing left. Then...I got this e-mail from the mother of my precious Godson:

"Amen, Sister. God loves you and so do I! Big hugs to you, Tiana, Willow, Landon, Alex, and Chris from all of us here. We miss you and are inspired by you. Thank you for your blog. It is beautiful and amazing as well as humbling. I love the look on Willow’s face. The wheels are turning in there. What an amazing little girl you have. What an amazing little family you have. I think you have no idea the inspiration you provide so many of us who read your blogs. Have you considered turning your blogs into a book? I can totally see you as a published author. Think about it…"

Never underestimate the power of a good friend (Sirach 6:5-17). In my darkest hour, I saw the face of Jesus in her. Telling me that God loves me and how amazing my family is. He knew exactly what I needed to hear to help my "unbelief" and inability to see him in the moment. Thank you my sweet friend. Thank you, thank you, thank you with all that I have.

Today's prayer: Lord surround me with "true friends." Help me to be a friend and help me to conduct myself in a manner that honors you. Let us strive to become the Proverbs 31 woman and truly become "Sisters in Christ."

40 day devotional-Day 5

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you,
ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.
By this is my Father glorified,that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.”

I have spoken, many, many times of how God is generous. If you fail, God has no testimony in you. Put your trust in Him and you will live a life of abundance. Here is the key...it must glorify Him, not you. Happiness can convert more people than Bible Quotes and intellect ever will. Others will look to you and want to know what you have. This is even more obvious in homes with challenges. I have a friend who has ten children. I only had one at the time (who was an easy baby) and I asked her "How do you do it?" she said: "God." I learned more from observing their family than I could have ever learned from reading child development or theology books. They lived their faith in a way that I have rarely seen in my 40 years. God has blessed them abundantly and they bless others with their lives. They were faith-filled, happy, and genuine. I strive every day to live my life in this manner. She probably did not even know how powerful of an influence she had on me. I began going to daily Mass and striving for a richer prayer life. I also began using NFP and opened myself to having four more children. That one person changed my life in an incredible way. Our lives should be fruitful and glorify God. I still look to her for good counsel and spiritual direction. Someday, maybe if I'm blessed, I can help someone else the way that she has helped me to be "fruitful."

Today's prayer: Lord, let my life bear witness through you in times of prosperity and challenge. Let me glorify you in all ways so my life may be a testimony. Help me to glorify you in my marriage, friendships, and most especially my children. That they may grow in faith and walk with You. Also, help me to evangelize to others with my special needs child. Let me help others to see that I can do everything through You. Lift me up with wings like eagles and carry me when I am weak. Amen.

40 day devotional-day 3

Matthew 7: 7-11
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

This is my favorite verse in the Bible. I take him at his Word, literally. I can't tell you how many times over the past eight years I have been down on my knees asking for God's help. I always sought and found help and resources for my daughter and my family. He never fails. He is always there for me to comfort me and provide for my family.

Today's prayer is simple: Ask, seek, knock...he is waiting to open the door.